We’re learning a lot about ourselves as we’re going through social isolation.  We’re in the midst of mass trauma, all-inclusive—affecting all of us—some more harshly than others.  

The sky is falling and we’ve all run for cover in our huts, waiting for someone to yell “Coast clear.”  

The global pandemic is an unknown quantity.  We face an uncertain future, a new landscape, many without a job.  It’s been a long stretch and we tell ourselves it’s temporary, but how and when will it end?  What will life be like?  What will WE be like?  

With the world shut down, the sudden lack of structure in many people’s lives is having its impact.   

Losing our daily routines puts us at loose ends, threatens our overall sense of purpose.  The meaningful activities of our former lives helped to promote our mental focus. Without them, we can experience cognitive changes, i.e. difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, shorter attention span, distractibility.  The more self-observant of these things we remain, the better. 

We may find ourselves more driven by the pleasure-principle than before, i.e. grabbing for food, binge-watching Netflix, or other quick-fixes when we don’t know what else to do.  Will we be able to break these habits when and if things get back to “normal” – the “new normal?” 

Those working from home, remaining accountable to other people through webinars, Zoom, phone, etc. benefit from the focus, but many say they feel more drained than usual at the end of the day. The subliminal boosts and hormonal rewards of in-person contact are lacking. This is why isolation can be dangerous. 

We may notice feeling anxiety first thing in the morning, and as the day unfolds, depression that tamps down our sense of initiative.  We may feel a lessening of ambition, lazier, even apathetic, or we can go the other way and become hyperactive, tackling projects, burning nervous energy. All of these are the effects of social isolation on mental health. 

We worry about the infection, its toll on family, society, the economy, and about where this is going.  Yet a lot of people say they’ve been strangely OK in spite of it all.  

This OKness is a curious thing.  What might it be about?

Why Social Isolation and Anxiety are OK at this Time

In examining the psychological roots of this OKness, the primal wound of abandonment may be quieter than usual, owing to the fact that this time we have not been singled out by a shattering.  We’re not the only one cut off.  We’re going through separation together.  It isn’t personal, it’s pandemic. The social isolation is happening to everyone.

Therefore, we feel less shame.  The fact that we are ALL deemed pariahs to one another allows us to tamp down shame’s internal Geiger counter that operates involuntarily to constantly scan the environment for signs of potential hostility, rejection, distancing, dissing.  Now it’s nothing personal when we sense someone turning away from us, keeping us at a distance.  People infected with COVID-19 may feel acutely stigmatized, though, and my heart goes out to them.  

The OKness may also have to do with the fact that we’re experiencing the numbing of traumatic stress.  Our brains have been producing special neuro-chemicals that operate according to ancient biological mechanisms designed to medicate us through major catastrophes in the interest of species survival. It’ the numbing of trauma and grief.

Or the OKness may mean that finally the onus on us has been lifted.  We don’t feel as pressured by what we should be accomplishing.  We now have permission to laze about (unless we are one of the heroes who are out there working to save the rest of us).  We don’t have to feel guilty about procrastinating since everything is on hold, anyway.  

But it also has to do with the fact that the beauty of life around and within us is yielding its gifts and we are more cognizant of them than usual. Since the future has been temporarily suspended, we’re more in the moment than usual. This is a process we can and ought to build on and carry forward into the “new normal”.  

Where will all this take us when the pandemic is “over”? 

Will we come bounding out of our huts to celebrate en mass our newly gained freedom? Or will we creep out, slowly, tentatively, a few daring souls at a time?  Shell shocked, afraid of closeness?  Or ready to hug?   

What will the new normal look like?  

No one knows exactly how society will react.  We’re not even sure how each of us will react.  We have this uncertainty in common.  

As we observe ourselves coping through this social isolation, let’s celebrate our human resiliency – those hard-won strengths unique to each of us – as well as the automatic involuntary mechanisms that are kicking in, our instincts for survival.  We owe ourselves some acknowledgment for making sacrifices that contribute to the common good.  We may not always know exactly why we are behaving in new and different ways, but we can remain as conscious of our reactions and feelings as possible and exercise self-compassion, forbearance, and a refreshing new level of oneness.  

PS: I have created a series of videos that take you step-by-step through the 5 Akēru exercises and other life-changing insights of the Abandonment Recovery Program.

Whether you’re experiencing a recent break-up, a lingering wound from childhood, or struggling to form a lasting relationship, the program will enlighten you, restore your sense of self, and increase your capacity for love and connection.